With all the birthday hubbub, I’ve been feeling way too reflective for my own good. That means a few rambling, incomplete entries that never made it to publication.

It bothers me that I’ve not gotten into regular rhythm of writing here. I feel unsure of what I want from all this. Certainly I write for myself but as an active member of some Xanga circles, I miss that sense of community. Why so silent, dear readers? Is it the dearth of pictures? Is it my verbosity? Is it the sporadic nature of my posts? Do tell for I am curious.

I’m an avid reader of health/fitness/weight-loss, food and craft blogs. All of those seem to encompass mega-community. I am not focused enough on each of these big things in my life to write about just that everyday. Too many other things get in the way. Besides, I need the space to ramble about all those things freely. Or at least to think about all of those things and just bitch and moan about the long distance part of my long distance relationship and the downsides of law school instead. Yargh.

Here is the stuff that inspired the title of this entry:

1) I threw my own birthday dinner party last night with some of my dearest friends and had a blast. I roasted lamb, pork tenderloin and sweet potato fingers. I boiled and mashed red skin potatoes and made them sinfully creamy. Mesclun salad and shrimp cocktail was also served, but the preparation of those two starters is not that excited so I save you the boring details. We ate, drank and were very merry. I fussed over the fussy Isabelle, who at just a few months old is already a heartbreaker. I love my friends.

2) My parents are in Florida eating (at Wolfgang Puck’s as they always do) and shopping (at Sawgrass Mills as usual) before heading further south for some hardcore hedonism Royal Caribbean style. OH! They just called! Tears welled up in my eyes because I miss them already and worry about their safety. Even though they travel a lot, I still worry. I think that I am worse than they are when I globetrot. My mother brought my People magazine that has an article about passengers who have disappeared on cruise ships. You know what I will be thinking about this week.

3) I am also worried about my man who is currently in Milan presenting one of his projects to elite Italian designers with some other Media Lab colleagues. He is just as obsessive about talking to me 10,000 times a day so I know he has a good reason for not firing off that e-mail he promised but I worry like a fool in love.

4) I am not very good at meeting my schoolwork goals because I am very focused on my Martha desires and duties. That reminds me to retrieve the laundry from the dryer. I will show some restraint and stay away from the chopping, blanching and assembling tonight’s detox dinner.

5) I have many intensive program applications to write and think about them before I fall asleep every night. Mostly because I am driven and (over?)confident, I fear that the day I will have to choose between two delightful programs. I also fear that I will choose the one that takes me to another faraway place that will once again make visits with the loverboy impossible for a long stretch. But really, I think I should write my applications or else I will have to fear not getting into any program.

6) I used my superb negotiation skills (how lawyerly of me!) to get a store to honour my expired credit note. They already had the funds, I was just asking them to fork of some sale rack merchandise. Easy peasy! Everybody wins!

7) I got diamond earrings with white gold posts from Dave for Christmas. I was very thrilled with them but worried because diamonds = $. We’re not ready for the big diamond (yes, I’m aware that someone like me shouldn’t covet something so evil but I still do) so little studs for my earlobes are just grand. I try not to think too much about the origins of the diamonds, but am feeling guilty enough to tell the Internet about how bad I feel for loving them. I love them most because I know that Dave put a lot of thought, time and energy into choosing and obtaining my little baubles. I also publicly vow to look for a non-bloody piece when that time comes. Even if it means I have to go smaller, I’d like to have clean hands for the rest of my life.

8) With all the celebrating, I’ve endured my typical share of food-related stress. Surprisingly, I’ve stayed clear of any full panic attacks. Not entirely sure if I’m succeeding in being more focused and controlled or because 24 has allowed me to finally move beyond the urge to cry and puke after overconsumption. Still, I feel like I haven’t gone overboard. I still need to ground myself a bit better, though. I continue to put up a good fight, but so does the other side! Damn it!

That’s all, folks. Enjoy what is left of this glorious weekend!

Xs and Os,
Adrienne Hazel Bamboo Star

P.S. I am currently obsessed with any Death Cab for Cutie mp3s on the old ‘puter but pine for classic tunes of the Cars. What is it with the vehicular music? Psychoanalyse as you wish.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 22nd, 2006 at 3:42 pm and is filed under The Sacred and Mundane.
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